How to teach your kid to order food, ask for help in a store and pay at checkout

"Can you order for me?" Lots of 8-year-olds would rather go hungry than talk to a server. But speaking up to grown-ups out in the world, like a server, a store worker or a cashier, is a real-life skill, and like any skill, it gets easier with practice.

These are everyday, low-stakes chances to practice confidence, and you're right there the whole time.

Why it fits this age

The CDC notes that children 9 to 11 are becoming more independent from the family. Its tips for this age include building a sense of responsibility and talking with your child about saving and spending money wisely. Ordering and paying for themselves is independence and money practice in one.

The shy-kid plan

Some children find this easy. For others, it's genuinely hard. The American Academy of Pediatrics' advice for helping a shy child:

• Role-play ahead of time to practice what to say and do.
• Take baby steps. Short, small social moments count.
• Praise any accomplishment, because even small steps can be hard for a shy child.
• Model it yourself. Children learn by watching how comfortably you talk to people.

The AAP also notes that parents can gently guide shy children into social situations where they can learn, rather than pushing them in or speaking for them every time.

Skill 1: Order your own food at a restaurant

1. Pick your food before the server comes. Decide while you look at the menu, so you're ready.
2. Look at the server and smile.
3. Say: "May I please have…"
4. Say thank you when the food comes, and when you're done.

Practice at home first. Play restaurant: you're the server, they order. Then switch. Include the curveballs: "Would you like fries or salad with that?" "We're out of pancakes today."

At the restaurant, if your child freezes, give them a moment. Don't jump in right away. If they really can't, it's OK to help this time and try again next time.

Eye contact is hard for some kids. The AAP notes that looking at someone's chin or nose works fine too.

Skill 2: Ask a store worker where something is

1. Find a worker with a name tag or uniform.
2. Say: "Excuse me, where can I find…?"
3. Listen to the directions. Repeat them back if you need to: "Aisle 7, on the left?"
4. Say thank you, then go find it.

Stay nearby, but let your child do the talking and the finding. This is the same skill as asking a safe helper when lost. (More in safety basics.)

Skill 3: Handle a whole checkout yourself

This is the mastery goal: your child does the whole checkout, from greeting to receipt, with you nearby.

1. Greet the cashier.
2. Put your things on the counter.
3. Pay and wait for your change. Count it, kindly and quietly.
4. Check the receipt and say thank you.

Before you go: give your child a few items and the money, and estimate the total together. Afterward, compare the receipt to the estimate. Checking the change uses the counting skills from counting money.

Pick a quiet time for the first try. A store with no line takes the pressure off.

Good manners make it easier

Please, thank you and a smile do a lot of the work in all three skills, and kids who've practiced them at home have a head start. (More in good manners.)

When to check in

If your child becomes very upset around unfamiliar people, or seems sad or anxious a lot of the time, the AAP suggests checking in with your pediatrician. Shyness by itself is a normal temperament. It only needs help if it gets in the way of daily life.

Make it a quest

In Family Quests, this is the Out Loud skill. Practice quests are order your own food at a restaurant and ask a store worker where something is, and the mastery quest is handle a whole checkout yourself, from greeting to receipt. A photo of the meal, the item or the receipt makes easy proof, and it's deleted once you've reviewed it. Start free.

Next: teach your kid to read a map, or go back to street safety.